Keeping a happy marriage throughout a remodel

All marriages are happy.  It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.  

~Raymond Hull

One of my clients shared this cartoon with me and, after a good giggle, it made me think about how often a kind of “marriage counseling” comes into my work.  As both a ballroom dance instructor and an interior designer I have learned a number of things that can make or break a project for a couple, and I’d like to share some of that insight with you.  If you’ve never undertaken a remodel together before, you’re in for a pretty big adventure, and you want to go in with the right attitude and, ideally, the support of a designer that *both* of you like and trust and who can make sure that the final design is one you  both like.

Comic by Besty Streeter

Here are key ingredients to achieving the goals for your home and, when you’re done, still have a happy relationship:

1. 1)Identify your dream(s).
   
2. First, understand that you both have some idea of what this project will end up looking like, but that you might have very different ideas of that end product.   We have to figure out how you want to feel in your home when it’s done, how do you want to live.  The key here is to LISTEN to each other, and don’t judge!  At this stage every idea is valid.
   
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2. 2)Destroy preconceived notions.
   
3. Both partners are going to have some concept of how much it will (or should) cost and how long it will take.  Again, LISTEN to each other and *never* laugh at your spouse.  If you ridicule your partner they’ll just clam up and be that much less open to  your desires when it’s your turn to be heard.  It’s normal for someone not to know how much a sofa or flooring or any of the other ingredients will cost - how often does the price of a kitchen faucet come up in your spouse’s work?
   
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3. 3)Draw a map.
   
4. This is where the designer starts pulling together ideas and options and will ask for decisions.  It often helps to assign “homework” and divide up the decisions - let the husband choose the counters, the wife choose the flooring... and trust the designer to guide the decisions so they all work together.  Agree to honor the work and decisions of the other person.
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4. 4)Demo and remodel.
   
5. You are going to face dust and dirt, perhaps weeks without a kitchen or bath, delays, etc.  Last minute decisions will have to be made, and changes approved when things don’t go as planned.  Stay on the same team.  Budget for a night in a hotel or a nice meal out once in a while as part of the project.  Be a cheerleader for your spouse and know that even thought they might stress about different things (she’s worried about the money, he wants the lighting to be just so) their worries are just as valid as your own.    
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5. 5)Celebrate!
   
6. As you achieve goals, break out the champagne.  Not just the big goal (the kitchen is done and we are having a housewarming party) but the small goals, too (the cabinets came in!)
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6. 6)Throughout, remember what’s important; your marriage and your family.
   
7. There are NO design emergencies, and the cabinet color and finish is NOT more important than your spouse.  If you see your spouse digging in like a mule, chances are that they feel they aren’t being heard, or felt steamrolled on the last 10 decisions.  If you’ve been getting your own way for a while, it might be time to get them really involved again. Or, if *you* start acting like a stubborn mule on a design decision, take a deep breath, set it aside, talk about it with your designer. Go out and get a little perspective.  Sometimes you just need a walk, sometimes you need to go volunteer at a soup kitchen, but do something that reminds you that beautiful design and new kitchens and baths are a luxury and a gift, not a right or emergency.  
8. 
   
9. Then go kiss your husband or wife.

You’ll learn a lot about yourself and your partner by taking on a remodel together, and it can be surprisingly easy and even fun if you have a though-out budget with a little extra set aside, and keep some light-hearted perspective throughout.  So have fun, and get ready to enjoy your new home!

To Permit or Not To Permit... do you need a permit for your bathroom remodel?

As a homeowner you might not be sure whether you need to get a city permit for your bathroom remodel.  This information is meant to help clarify that question, but please keep in mind that this information is *only a guide* and that you need to evaluate each project individually.  There are some good resources to help you answer that question for your specific project, listed below.   Additionally, this article is only for Seattle area homes, because while the same rules may apply in other jurisdictions, they are not my area of expertise.

In all likelihood, you probably do not need a permit for your bathroom remodel.  If you do, you probably only need an “over-the-counter” electrical permit, for which you can quickly apply online, no need to wait for hours in a city office.

There are three basic kinds of permits you might face - the first is a building permit.  You might need this if you are removing structural beams or moving or resizing a window.  In a standard bathroom remodel you are probably leaving the walls alone, and perhaps replacing, but not moving or resizing a window.  No permit needed.  

The second kind is a plumbing permit.  You'll need this if you are moving around the rough plumbing, that is if you are, for example, moving the tub across the room, adding a stand alone shower, and moving the new double sink vanity to a new wall.  That is significant plumbing work and you should have a permit.  However if, like in many Seattle area remodels, you are just replacing the fixtures (and perhaps the shower diverter) but not moving the plumbing to new locations, no permit needed.

Finally there is the electrical permit.  This is the one permit that you might need, and you might need this even if there is no need for plumbing or building permits.  You want this if you are moving around the wiring (adding new recessed lighting, for example), changing the kind of wiring, or (especially) if you are running new circuits from your electrical box.  When would you need a new circuit?  In older houses it may simply not be done right and when you open the walls you may realize the circuits have too much load and need to be redone.  Or you might be adding electrical underfloor heating that should have it's own circuit.  You (or your contractor) might be tempted to skip an electrical permit, but they are not that hard to get (you can apply online!), and when you go to sell the house, you want that all in order.  Not to mention that you have no need for any new fire hazards, and having an inspector check the quality of your contractor's work is not such a bad thing.

So, what it often comes down to is what kind of remodel you are really doing.  If all you are doing is giving everything new clothes (tile, fixtures, paint, even sheetrock) but you are not changing any of the bones (plumbing, wiring, beams) then you likely have no need of a permit.  But I'll say it again, this is only a guide, so judge each project on it's own terms and, if you need more help, check out the Seattle Department of Planning webpage to learn more about building permits, read here to learn about plumbing permits, and click here to learn about electrical permits, and about applying online.

If you have any further questions, I'll be happy to help you find an answer, so don't hesitate to email me, too!  I am at design@rivalee.com.